Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Letters to Loves,


to the one who once kissed me on the swings:
i haven't talked to you in years. it's hard to believe, considering we once talked on aim for hours. but that was then, when our cares consisted mainly of whose mom would drop us at the movies on saturday night & what book report was due next. and now, now we are hundreds of miles apart. you're doing your thing, i'm doing mine. though it's strange to think of how close we once were, and how far we have managed to drift, it makes me happy to see that we both marched to the beat of drums we've always believed in. one of your dreams we used to talk about while swinging in the old park down the street from your house, it makes me so happy to see you living out that dream now. and earlier this year, when you messaged to let me know how happy you were to see me going after a dream i shared with you once, well i like to think of that as our way of saying we still have that teenage love. we may have outgrown it, evolved into new versions of ourselves that allow different kinds of love to shape us, but our teenage selves, we'll always have each other's hearts.

to the one who communicated in smiles:
you called me your american girl in letters you wrote after i met you in germany that young summer. we said - i think - three words to one another. i spoke to you in english, you responded in german. we were both confused. smitten. i have your letters in a drawer, and every time i revisit them i slip back into my 16 year old self. butterflies come to life, nerves take over. icq chimes in my distant memory. it didn't work out. wasn't meant to be. but we tried. years later we tried. and i am glad we did. because now we are lifelong friends. friends who love one another. but friends who aren't in love with one another. though we once thought so. maybe we were, then. but now, now we just look forward to each other's happiness. with whatever or whomever that might be. and someday, we'll have one hell of a story for when our kids meet. hopefully on an exchange. just like we did.

to the one who crushed me unknowingly, but in turn became one of my best friends:
you never knew how unbelievably, head-over-heels, smitten i was with you. "being oblivious" is your thing. and after two hopeful years i finally understood that. but i also understood that you had become my best friend. and having you as a best friend was what you were destined to be. and i am so happy you crushed me. because in turn, we happened into this amazingly fun friendship. and now that i think back, we weren't compatible. we would fight about sports far too often.

to the one who taught me to stand on my own:
you showed up out of nowhere. absolutely nowhere. and proceeded to flip my world upside-down. i loved that about you. you taught me that slow dancing on the sidewalks in the city does happen and being a romantic is a beautiful, beautiful thing. you supported my passions, you showed me what it was to put everything into your work. you taught me to chase my dreams, even if it meant sacrificing some things along the way. you had me in the palm of your hand. every ounce of me. but you gently set me down and walked away. and though i thought it was cruel and absurd, i've come to understand. you weren't mine forever. we weren't meant to be forever. you were there to show me what it meant to take risks, follow your heart, and love narwhals. what it means to have someone who supports your love. and you letting me go, well that just made me strong. strong enough to take risks. strong enough to stand on my own.
for that, you'll forever be in my heart, right along side the wonderful memories we shared. 

to my crushes, of past and present, future, too:
you have kept me giddy. your glances. your words. your sweet behavior. you have kept me open to the thought that someone is out there. someone is meant to be the love of my life. and though it may not have been you, you've made the journey so fun. you have kept me on my toes, guessing, wishing, hoping. perhaps, the next dashing gent to flash me a smile and become my crush, well maybe it'll be him. but until then, i am grateful for the butterflies you provide me with in the meantime. whether they be seasonal or permanent - thank you. you've helped remind me that love will come, but until then, to enjoy the adventures along the way.

...
and to the one i'll someday have the honor of being "mine..." 
well, i can't wait to be your forever valentine.

Happy Valentine's Day, Loves.
xoxo-
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5 comments:

  1. This is so beautiful, Anna. I wish I could write this well.

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  2. Thank you so much for your sweet support, ladies!
    Big love to you!

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  3. this just made my day! loveee

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  4. It's amazing the number of 'loves' we encounter in our lives to bring us to the one and true and everlasting love!
    Hugs~

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