Wednesday, February 22, 2012
February is a tough month in my book. it's the time of the semester when it all becomes a routine and you can barely see the light at the end of the tunnel. it becomes especially daunting in your senior (plus) year of university. because at the end of this school year you won't be faced with a summer full of waiting and wishing for your friends to get back into town and getting your fall classes in order. this is the year it gets real. you are scrambling to write resumes, arrange meetings, finish projects, and paperwork out the wazoo. to say it's a bit terrifying would be the understatement of the year.
i have a terrible flaw. many flaws. but one particularly awful one. when i get overwhelmed with anything, i become a recluse. i shy away into my room and come out for food. i can't manage to get out and socialize with my friends, the ones who expect me to be heaps of fun. no, i rather sit in my room and lose track of time reading, watching tv, and trying to distance myself far from reality. it's an awful trait. one i try and work on daily. but this winter it's a ritual that has become quite familiar to me. i think the reason being a multitude of things, one of those things being the fact i miss my family in Germany heaps.
but i try and do the hour-by-hour trick, you know, where you just focus on getting through the day, bit-by-bit. i try to keep things in perspective, and i'm trying to change some habits. (like my unhealthy reliance on sugar.)
i'm approaching these changes with baby steps, and hope to really get a grip on these fears and anxiety-ridden thoughts soon.
because other than being unbelievably frustrating, this state i'm in is exhausting beyond words.