you'll know it.

i'm going to keep it real, friends.

new habits november did not turn out so hot. 

i drank plenty of coca cola.

i ran twice.

i free wrote once.

but that's ok. it's the thought that counts. right? or wait. is that pertaining to something entirely different? oh well.

can we take a minute to talk about how fast november went by? ... i mean, that minute we just took lasted longer than november. amiright? (p.s. my new thing is the 'amiright' phrase. cracks me up every time. i'm easily amused.)

additionally, it's december in two days. 

yup. tis the season, folks. 

tis also the season for engagements.

i think every time i log onto facebook i see photos rings popping up everywhere. 

makes my heart swell. 

till you see the boy who once made your heart swell is getting hitched. 

then your heart hurts for a bit.

but not too much.

but enough to make you antsy.

just when you don't know anymore, you're reminded.

and you, too, have no doubts. none at all.

-images via rules of thirds.

{Quote of the Week.}

Let yourself fall open to Advent, to anticipation, to the belief that what is empty will be filled, what is broken will be repaired, and what is lost can always be found, no matter how many times it's been lost.           -shauna niequist. 

a bushel of blessings.

{image one, image two.}

my life is a bushel of blessings.
that is an understatement.
but it is the best i can do with mere words.

from my family of beautiful, genuine, brilliant people
to my friends of equally talented, genuine, lovely souls. 

the pooches i love
to the silly, blessed coincidences life throws my way.

the people who take time to read this (YOU)
the gentle spirits who encourage me daily (YOU)

the adventures
the moments of confusion

i am thankful
for it all.

{Quote of the Week.}

"She knew, of course, that there was something about her that was different. But it was more like a friendly spirit than like anything that was a part of herself. She brought everything to it, and it answered her; happiness consisted of that backward and forward movement of herself. The something came and went, she never knew how. Sometimes she hunted for it and could not find it; again, she lifted her eyes from a book, or stepped out-of-doors, or wakened in the morning, and it was there-under her cheek, it usually seemed to be, or over her breast-a kind of warm sureness. And when it was there, everything was more interesting and beautiful, even people."-Willa Cather (Song of the Lark)

and I promise you I'm doing the best I can.

{deutschland, august 2011.}

in time a lot happens.

whether or not you wish it to.

a lot happens.

sometimes it takes really big steps in life

to make you grow a backbone.

moving across the world did that for me.

no matter where in the world you live

you will meet fake people,

and you will meet genuine people.

distance, time zones, languages...

they really don't mean much.

no matter what lies between us.

we are all alike.

but it's a bit hard to realize these things when speaking in a different language.

you're too worried about word order and past participles to notice traces of sincerity in a voice.

the major difference about being away from home

 is that when you are burned by someone,

 it burns twenty times more than when you are home. 

but of course,

inversely, 

the moments of pure bliss you experience 

in a strange, unfamiliar place, feeling unbelievably vulnerable,

those experiences feel euphoric. 

it's beautiful.

you also, learn the difference between being unhappy and being homesick.

because they are infinitely different.

being homesick simply means you miss the smells, sounds, tastes, sites and feel of a place so much

you forget to experience the new sounds, smells, tastes, sights, and feeling of everything around you right then.

being homesick does not mean you are not happy.

it simply means you are not aware, that's all.

but in time, my friend.

in time.

sixth months, for instance.

i already do.

{via: classy-in-the-city.}

Listen little grey book

Listen, I don’t know where you are.
But I haven’t met you yet.
I miss you. 

Sometimes, I just wonder what you’re doing at this exact moment.
Where are you?
I’m sorry that I thought you were someone else.
You deserve my love the most.
I was blinded a bit. 

Have I ever passed by you?
Maybe I have. Maybe I haven’t.
Maybe I already know you,
but haven’t paid enough attention to. 

I wonder if you think about me
Although you possibly haven’t met me either yet,
I already love you. 

I do.

{Quote of the Week.}

{via: bippity boppity boo.}

“Your soul knows the geography of your destiny. Your soul alone has the map of your future, therefore you can trust this indirect, oblique side of yourself. If you do, it will take you where you need to go, but more important it will teach you a kindness of rhythm in your journey."

 -John O’Donohue

To Our Veterans.

Sometimes the girl stands with arms around the boy’s waist, hands tightly clasped behind. Another fits her head into the curve of his cheek while tears fall onto his coat. Now and then the boy will take her face between his hands and speak reassuringly. Or, if the wait is long they may just stand quietly, not saying anything. The common denominator of all these goodbyes is sadness and tenderness, the complete oblivion for the moment to anything but their own individual heartaches. -Life, February 14, 1944

with love & gratitude, we thank you.

three years of missing you.

[grandma & grandpa allen with the bunch, circa december 1991.(that's me with the finger on my teeth...like that hair, do ya?!)

“She will die over and over again for the rest of my life. Grief is forever. It doesn't go away; it becomes part of you, step for step, breath for breath. I will never stop grieving because I will never stop loving. That's just how it is. Grief and love are conjoined, you don't get one without the other. All I can do is love her, and love the world, emulate her by living with daring and spirit and joy.” 

-jandy nelson-


three years ago we lost our beloved grandma allen.
our lives have never been the same since that somber day.
but she lives on.


oh how her love lives on.

i love you grandma,

your annie

“It’s okay to be unsure. But praise, praise, praise.”

today at the train station i happened upon the latest issue of fraulein magazine. miranda july graced its cover & i was reminded of the beauty in her words i once read. words that helped me heal during a rough patch. it was a comforting reminder from life that it's all about ebbs & flows. but if you look for beauty, you'll find it.

even at the train station at one o'clock in the afternoon on a mundane wednesday.

“Life is so ridiculously gorgeous, strange, heartbreaking, horrific, etc., that we are compelled to describe it to ourselves, but we can’t! We cannot do it! And so we make art.” 

“I laughed and said, Life is easy. What I meant was, life is easy with you here, and when you leave, it will be hard again.” 

-miranda july

the different kinds of "overwhelmed."

[germany. 11.6.2011]

sometimes i get a bit overwhelmed.

there are moments when i log-on facebook to see another high school peer has wed and my heart struggles between feelings of happiness for them and longings for me.

there are times when i feel really out of shape as i push my bike up the hill that taunts me and i get really grumpy with myself.

there are days when i hate my hair and want to cut it all off and give up on trying to perfect my beloved heidi braid crush.

sometime i get a bit overwhelmed.

there are moments i get teary-eyed just reading about the millions of beautiful love stories and knowing i will someday have my very own.

there are times when i ride my bike and i am so blessed to have legs willing to turn the peddles and hair for the wind to blow through.

there are days when i am overwhelmed by joy.

and i'll tell you what, i'm working on making the moments of joy overwhelm the moments of disappointment.

ain't it so overwhelmingly simple sometimes, this whole perspective thing?
i sure think so. but boy, oh boy, how i do forget, sometimes.

{Quote of the Week.}

how it sometimes feels.

“The hardest period in life is one’s 20s. It’s a shame because you’re your most gorgeous and you’re physically in peak condition. But it’s actually when you’re most insecure and full of self-doubt. When you don’t know what’s going to happen, it’s frightening.”-Helen Mirren

upon request.

{painting by lael weyenberg.}

i've answered a few unclear things about my au pair journey & where my studies stand over on my blog Anna Im Ausland's about page.

please, take a looksie if you're curious.

for happiness.

and i've got an inkling...

{via: tumblr.}

it might just be the best month of this year, yet.