I have a lot of unreasonable fears.
One of which I spend the most time worrying about is messing up my own fate.
"Anna, isn't that kind of like an oxymoron?" you ask. "Wouldn't messing up your fate be just another part of your fate?"
You sir, are correct. But my mind doesn't operate in such logical ways. No, no it does not..
but, today the theme of this post is fate, not how illogical my mind can be. (though, someday soon, there will be a post about how that.)
I truly believe in fate. I do. I truly believe that someday I will look back on these times & say, thank goodness it didn't work out in that relationship, otherwise I would have never met ________ (insert future husband's name here.)
but Today is not someday. Today is today & today I am losing the skip in my step, the sparkle of hope in my eyes. It's easy to say you believe in fate. It's much harder to put all of your trust in fate. I am a big fan of the thought that God has plans in store for us... plans much greater than anything we could conceive on our own. I love this thought. I have faith that it is true. God knows what will truly make us happy while we so often don't.
But here I sit on the other side of the world, away from my family & friends. It is beautiful here. Absolutely breathtaking. But I can't help but find myself wondering: "what if I'm supposed to meet my husband right now, but I am here?", "what if my perfect job was just around the corner & I went & threw it away?" these thoughts keep my mind busy throughout the day & though they are exhausting thoughts to have, they keep my mind swirling most nights. It's a terrible pattern.
But, a pattern I intend to change.
So tonight, as I lay my head down to rest,
I will put all my trust in Him.
Every little bit.