Tuesday, October 12, 2010

"All things grow...". p.s. this is really cheesy. p.p.s. i am blogging it anyway.

this song is a new fav.
{me & noah. october 2009}
i often wish i could go back to certain moments in time & tell myself things that i didn't quite yet know.
it's so odd. it's odd to think of "that anna" (the one from last october) being different from the me today. 

"that anna" was bogged down with so much doubt in herself. she was pretty sure she wasn't going to finish her math credits & on most days she lost sleep wondering what would become of life once her dear friends all graduated & got married & moved on. she felt twelve steps behind everyone.

she was also full of hopes.
hopes that things would work out & that she would begin to be brave. 
& her hopes did come true.  she passed her math class & she continued to follow her school path....however, from that point- with more fervor.

she was brave.  although she was terrified to open her heart up to a boy.  but she was so brave & she did. & she was so happy that she did.

she wasn't expecting heartbreak.  

no, last year at this moment she was convinced she would be able to protect her heart from any ache.
she fought to protect her heart from being vulnerable.

she wouldn't believe you if you told her she would succumb to heartbreak.
no, she wouldn't. she'd say, "i would never give anyone that much power. the power to break my heart."

but she did. & she'd do it again.

she'd protest, saying that she would not allow herself to fall for anyone.  all the while, in the back of her mind, she'd secretly be wishing it was true, that she would fall for someone in the coming year.  no matter the heartbreak.

but if i went back to "that anna" i'd tell her to go ahead & follow her heart. & if her heart was swelling with joy, to enjoy it. enjoy the coming months filled with wonderful moments.  i would tell her it might hurt like hell at the end, but  that she would never regret it.  i'd tell her to always take risks & at the end of it all, i'd be there to comfort her.  

i'd tell her she is going to grow in a million different ways & that she was going to learn most of the coming lessons from her mistakes.  

mistakes that were necessary for her growth. 

i'd tell her no matter how sad she gets, how scared or how bitter- she would be ok in the end.

& i'd tell her that at the end of the day, she would be content with the memories of the past.  & how she'll always kindle hopes of what's to come- no matter the falls she's taken so far.
  
"She fell, she hurt, she felt. She lived. And for all the tumble of her experiences, she still had hope."-sarah dessen.

xo-
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16 comments:

  1. oh girl. this rings so true to my heart. i love it.

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  2. yesyesyesyesyYESyesyesyYESyesyes... that is my reaction to this post.

    and also, anyone who quotes sarah dessen is most CERTAINLY my destined soulmate so yes, we have once again confirmed the obvious.

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  3. Hi Anna,
    This is one of the most thoughtful posts ever. I love how you are accepting of the past and feel no regret, because it makes you who you are, and what's to regret about that? Beautiful!

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  4. thanks sweet girl. just entering a relationship with much trepidation after some previous heartbreak. learning high risk, high yield. you're an internet gem.

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  5. If you label this as cheesy then cheesy is definitely the way to go :)

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  6. Oh God, Anna, this is such a beautiful post! Truely beautiful!! It is, thank you, thank you, thank you for the lovely post :)

    The Anna I know is strong, and inspirational :)

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  7. I love this post tremendously! The nice thing about sharing the same name is that I almost feel like I'm reading to myself ;) I can relate on many points, and I really needed to read those last few sentences you wrote.

    kisses and hugs!

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  8. you are such a beautiful soul, you. i have tremendous respect and love for people like you, and people like me. (: that sarah dessen quote is one of my favorites, EVER. goo job, honeybee. <3
    XOXO

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  9. Anna every time I read your posts I think, man this girl can write. Thanks for brightening my mornings with your beautiful words.

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  10. Great quote and perfect timing, it's ironic how much I can relate with this post. I am having the same doubts of what will become of me when my two best friends move on and graduate from college next year.

    As for me, I'd to drop my math class & I will have to retake it again next semester but I am certain I'll pass it this time, I have faith I will, I must! On the other hand, I had my heart broken twice at the same time, first by my ex boyfriend & secondly by a high school friend & her friends.
    Life can teach you so much in so little time, I will look back and laugh years from now. At least that's what I hope...

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  11. My sweet little Anna!
    You are an old soul, you know that? You have wisdom beyond your years and that is a beautiful thing.
    It's so easy to say these things and so hard to live them sometimes, but it looks like you're doing a great job. "That Anna" would be very proud.

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  12. This is beautiful and so thoughtful. I think, sometimes, we forget how personally stressful college can be. We hear that we're supposed to know what we want, where we're going, who we want to be; then, when we question ourselves, we feel like failures.

    What matters is that we grow, and you're demonstrating that beautifully.

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  13. I just came across this today and think it is absolutely beautiful! Your blog is adorable as well. You have a beautiful way with words.

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