Dating is a minefield of opinions, philosophies, and personalities... and that's just when it comes to what people are saying, not the actual dating itself. As someone with terrible anxiety and OCD, there are a million things that make dating emotionally exhausting just from my side. Add in the other party and the heaps of advice thrown my way on the regular, it's enough to make me want to retreat to my Netflix nest forever, never to leave again. This piece by, Maris Kreizman (the same author of Slaughterhouse 90210), was an interesting take on changing yourself for love and whether or not it's all really just a matter of luck.
And one of the most dismal parts of experiencing this kind of longing is that I was the victim of a certain brand of single lady concern trolling disguised as friendly advice. Everyone had words of wisdom (often unsolicited!) about how I should fix myself, as singled was an ailment for which I could find a cure if only I tried hard enough and took the appropriate steps to get healthy.
I've been realizing more and more the importance of having a strong tribe of women with whom you feel you belong. I don't know why exactly it took me so long to recognize the strength that comes with such support in life, but I'm glad that I finally have. It's incredible to me that so many of those friends with whom I connect the most have been friends I've made through this blog. Some of whom I've yet to meet in person. But among those I call my closest friends nonetheless. That's why I especially loved this piece from Femsplain.
What do you do when you feel like you've lost yourself? Be with the person who can put you back together again, who knows what's broken but not how to fix it. Who reminds you that things are not always perfect, but they are not meant to be.
On the topic of anxiety, this piece from Artparasites really spoke to me.
Most of all, please don't give up on me. Even though I even drive myself insane and get frustrated with myself sometimes, I hope you don't. I hope you can still love me more each day and not resent me for a mental disorder I never wanted.
Jealousy rears its ugly head more often then not these days for me. Maybe it's social media envy. Maybe it comes with your twenties. Whatever it is, I don't like who it makes me. And I don't like how quickly it can eat away at my heart. But it's there. And when something is there pulling at you from all directions, it's best to try and understand the cause before you can understand the cure. That's where this brilliant TED talk comes in. It made me feel less alone. Less guilty. But hopeful.
When we feel jealous, we tell ourselves a story. We tell ourselves a story about other peoples' lives, and these stories make us feel terrible because they're designed to make us feel terrible. As the teller of the tale and the audience, we know just what details to include, to dig that knife in. Jealousy makes us all amateur novelists.
Sometimes it can be easy to feel that you're less than you are, rather than accept the huge challenge of living your fullest, truest life. Sometimes it can be easier not to want anything at all, rather than accept the deep ache of desire in your bones. It can be easier to deny your real self, demanding and golden and made of so many things. Try, this week, just to sit with the knowledge of who you really are and what you really need. Don't tell yourself, not even once, to accept anything less than this.